I started this blog a while back after spending a surprising weekend with a bunch of wonderful autism mamas. The majority of them blog, and they encouraged me to start. No expectations. Just put pen to paper (or finger to touchscreen as the case may be) and let things out. See where it might take me.
When I first started this adventure, I had years of bottled up hurt, worry, frustration, and even rage over so many things that had happened in my life. Most especially, I was devastated that my precious little boy was diagnosed with autism.
Time has a way of softening edges and blurring lines. Over the last couple of years, I’ve learned so many things. I’ve learned that autism may pose distinct challenges for my boy, but it will never define him. It isn’t cancer. It isn’t a death sentence. It isn’t anything to fear. I’m so lucky to have this child in my life who has taught and continues to teach me on a daily basis about how wonderful and miraculous life really is. He has taught me to slow down and not just look, but actually SEE the beauty in things that I may have otherwise rushed by. I’ve let go of the anger and the denial and replaced it with something wonderful.
I’ve replaced it with hope.
I wrote the following to the wonderful mamas who inspired me over that wonderful weekend;
“I’ve thought long and hard about what I want to project as I move forward in my life as a person and as a mother to two awesome special needs kiddos with a challenge of my own.
Things are hard.
Life is challenging.
That applies to everyone.
I don’t want to feel the anger anymore. I
certainly don’t want to project it anymore. My first blog name was all about anger and fighting whatever came at me. The second name was pulled out of a hat because I had a creepy stalker. This new name that I’ve chosen feels right.
It’s a new start with a very different perspective. I finally feel like I’ve grown into my skin and it no longer itches or has tags in places it shouldn’t. Both of my babies were born during December snowstorms. I’ve watched them both grow and evolve and blossom in their own special ways.
You have all helped to change my perspective towards so many things for the better, I believe. I will always be thankful for the impact that you have all had on my life. Especially (my dear friend) who started it all.
I hope I can make you proud.”
I’ve chosen to call this post “Ciao” because Italians use it to say hello and goodbye. I believe it’s a perfect ending to this chapter and a wonderful start to the next phase of my life.
I won’t be writing under this name after I publish this post. It’s truly time to move forward. I think perhaps I have three or four followers (thank you, you lone rebels!). If you are interested in following along with me, just send me a message and I’d be happy to let you know where my new landing spot will be.
I wish you well. I certainly wish you hope.